When Jac the Hitcher got hitched...
Look, like pretty much all brides, I love an excuse to brag about my wedding day - guilty as sin! We were baby-faced, less tattooed and pretty broke yet we knew how to throw a fucking spectacular party. Like the follies, we had a glamorous theatrical affair with raunchy burlesque, cigarette girls, skulls on our wedding cake and a live adrenalin-fueled, roaring 20's, brass swing sextet providing the music. It was perfect mayhem. We drank. We danced. We lost our shit.
I married my man Dylan just over 6 years ago, on a balmy late May evening in Castlemaine, Victoria. We were married by our ninth month into our courtship; the words "screw it, let's do it..." were thrown around a bit back then.
We chose the Maurocco Bar as our venue which is hidden inside one of Castlemaine's iconic Art Deco buildings, The Midland Hotel. We went there one Friday evening late November for a work do, we fell in love with its eclectic vibes; like a set straight out of the film Casablanca. We had planned our whole wedding within minutes of being in there together - where the ceremony would be, the dance floor... the lot. By the Monday we had set a date and booked the venue... then Dyl decided he should probably actually propose... kinda... sorta.
We spent the next few weeks planning how we would do it. We booked our celebrant and the catering, then decided that the rest of our budget was going to be entertainment. We waited until Christmas day to tell both our families that we were gettin' hitched, the wedding was booked and to save the date... Surprise!
Our wedding was never going to be a traditional affair. Our ceremony was short and sweet, we swore and we broke a few other 'rules' in the process...
1. The bride wore GREEN.
We had a small budget so we had to be savvy! Weddings don't have to be a massive blow out financially. God no! I bought a dress pattern for probably $10 at Spotlight then my Mother-in-law took me shopping for fabric. We chose the lushest mint-green Italian silk. Dylan's Ma whipped up my dress for me and I teamed it with a little black fur and some of my Nanna's jewels... but you should have seen my shoes, holy shit, red rhinestone Bordello T-bars...they were everything.
2. The GUESTS walked down the aisle.
I arrived at the ceremony in Dylan's F100 with my dad and we were driven by my big brother, Ben. We were greeted inside the hotel by all our guests who were gathered around and our friend, Jesse, playing some Ben Harper on acoustic guitar. Jesse led us, with the guests following behind, into the courtyard where Dylan, his best man and my bridesbabe were standing, waiting. I had never seen that before... and it was planned only minutes before I got there! It was really fucking cool. (Yeah.. look I didn't catch the entrance on camera. Soz.)
3. We signed our certificates over the bar.
We didn't want any boring certificate signing during our ceremony, we used the bar as our signing table. (My celebrancy trainer and I butted heads over this... but if you find posing with certificates pretty lame like I do, just don't do it.)
4. We had no first dance... we had a whole wedding conga line of pelvic thrusting.
Our blow-out and best decision for the whole wedding was booking The Woohoo Revue as our band. My dad lost his mind - his favourite live band ever - we kept that a surprise from him. He actually saw them enter the venue and he was starstruck (there's a photo of his face below - his smile was that big for the whole evening). The Woohoo Revue had every person kicking up their heels and there were probably teeth marks in the ceiling. They are redic. A Melbourne based six-piece frenzy of jazz meets gypsy meets swing meets Balkan.
Dylan can't dance. His 'dance' is a blank expression on his face, stiff upper body and pelvic thrusts. So that was the first dance. We all danced the 'Dylan'.
5. There were boobs and booty.
A gift from Dylan's gorgeous sister was inviting her friend and fellow dance mate Miss Frankie Valentine to bump and grind for us. Holy shitballs. She had us lapping her up and screaming for more. She was divine, that Miss Valentine!
Rating: 10 sequin nipple pasties out of 10.
Photography: Liz Flemming and Damian Nolan
Venue: The Maurocco Bar, Midland Hotel, Castlemaine, Vic
Celebrant: Ian Scott
Dress: Handmade by my talented mother in law, Margaret
Cake: Zambri Mapson
Flowers: Castlemaine Floristry
Music: The Woohoo Revue (ft Mojo Juju)
Entertainment: Frankie Valentine